Yesterday was my breaking point.
I was pissed off on Friday after the witch doctor told me I'd need to do his cleanse for two more weeks and that frustration carried over into Saturday. The simple psychology of telling someone that they can't have something makes them want it even more. Normally, I don't get cravings that I can't substitute for, but for the past two weeks I had been fiending for pizza and a chocolate milkshake.
The first week of the craving was bad but I was able to shake it and talk myself out of it. I knew that if I had those foods, I would feel horrible afterwards and (as my wife so delicately puts it) my butt would explode. That held me off for the first week.
The second week though, the craving came back with vigor. I was consumed with the thought of pizza. My teeth would ache. I would get twitchy. Restless. I think these symptoms are similar to that of heroine withdrawal. But the weird thing is I never got like this before. Yeah, I'll get a craving for pizza every once in a while, but I never cracked out like this before. I think it was the simple fact that I knew I couldn't have something and therefore I wanted it even more. And so, last night we got two large pizzas: a meat lovers and a chicken rustica. And they were delicious.
I was only able to force down about 32 ounces of chocolate milkshake before I felt sick to my stomach. Both pizzas were polished off between the two of us and I was on the couch unable to move. I planned ahead and put sweat pants on before I started eating. I kept it classy though and wore the good sweats. A digestive enzyme or ten would've come in handy but sadly I was all out. I thought I'd try to Tim Ferriss this meal a bit and took about 20 grams of L-Glutamine powder and 10 grams of fish oil to help counter the leaky gut and inflammation from the grains.
|And The Damage Done.|
All day today I felt the guilt and disgust of my indiscretions. It's like pizza and the chocolate shake told me they loved me, got me to sleep with them, and now won't return my phone calls. Could I have made a paleo pizza instead? Yes. Why didn't I? Honestly, I make 90% of the meals for both of us and I didn't feel like cooking last night. Kara wasn't exactly trying to talk me out of it either. She wanted pizza too, but wasn't going to be the one to make the decision. Enabler. Plus, I was frustrated that I had to do this cleanse for another two weeks, and a binge like this was just a big ol' middle finger to the cleanse.
I weighed the consequences of how badly I would screw myself and how counterproductive this would be toward the allergy cleanse and just said, "F' It." I needed this binge for mental sanity. I'm still disappointed in myself for not making better choices. I didn't need to go as overboard with it as I did, and that's my own fault. I probably would've been satisfied with three slices of pizza. My body didn't want or need it, my brain did. Stupid brain, making me do things. On the bright side, I should be good on curbing any cravings for the rest of this paleo challenge.